"Having known feminism and having come into contact with discussions about disability was fundamental, little by little I understood that all oppression against me is not something individual, but comes from a historical, collective and social construction, which seeks, at all times , devaluing my body and devaluing my existence as a woman."
For most of my life, I thought that many of the prejudices that affected me happened to me only because of my disability. It was years of anguish, avoiding the mirror and blaming my body.
Through Feminism, I had my first contact with the issue of corporenormativity , which really brought some clarification, but even so it did not explain everything, I still felt something was missing, as if “the accounts did not close”.
In fact, my body has always been outside the norms and, mainly, outside what is expected of a female body. That is, at the same time that my body has always been seen as “invalid”, it is also not seen as an attractive body, much less as a woman's body … and why does this happen? The history of disability was what brought me these answers.
To begin with, it is important to say that the cult of the “perfect body” dates back to the time of the Greeks, who considered physical condition as something essential because they lived in warfare. Women also underwent training to strengthen their bodies and thus be able to generate strong and healthy children. Therefore, if a child was born “deformed”, it was abandoned or killed, and if a woman acquired a disability at a certain point in her life, she completely lost her value, as it was believed that she would not be healthy enough to bear healthy children.
Taking a big leap to the 19th century, we can say that the Industrial Revolution reinforced this search for the “ideal body”. However, this time, the objective of having the “perfect” body was not to go to war, but to produce, work and generate profit! However, at the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, women could not work and their main function was to have healthy children to meet the need for labor for work. Later, after many struggles, women were finally able to enter the labor market. But how were disabled women seen at that time?
Children who were born with disabilities were not killed as in Greece, but parents (mainly mothers) felt guilty, failed and ashamed for having generated "defective" children, causing many families to hide them at home. Adults with disabilities, on the other hand, because they did not find the conditions to work, were totally excluded, considered invalids and worthless for work. As a result, women with disabilities were not only seen as invalids, but also incapable of having children and taking care of home and family chores, as well as all other tasks imposed on women.
Do you realize how these stereotypes are still present in our society today? Deep down, or not so deep down, people still believe that our bodies are invalid, sick, incapable of attracting or sexually satisfying men. And women with disabilities themselves end up internalizing these prejudices and start not recognizing themselves as women because they do not perform the standard of femininity.
For years I nurtured all these thoughts inside of me and with that, as I said at the beginning of our conversation, I ended up blaming my body for really not being able to wash the dishes, for not really being able to cook, for not really having a “perfect body”. , attributes that patriarchal society defines as fundamental for a “woman”.
Having known feminism and having come into contact with discussions about disability was fundamental, little by little I understood that all oppression against me is not something individual, but comes from a historical, collective and social construction, which seeks, at all times, devaluing my body and devaluing my existence as a woman. When I finally understood all this I was relieved, but I still didn't look in the mirror.
You know that “love your bodies” thing? Yeah, it didn't happen and I felt very guilty about it. How can I, a feminist, have all the necessary understanding and continue rejecting my body myself? When will I have the courage to take a nude photo? What do I need to do to be able to indulge in relationships without embarrassing myself? I don't know, because I haven't found that answer yet.
A lot of people reproduce the speech that they feel free to love their bodies, but nobody talks about how painful this process is. When I realized that all the discrimination in my body comes from this gigantic normative culture, I felt small and powerless to fight it. Even when I persisted and decided to look for other women who address this, I never found anyone who spoke about the bodies that experience disability. And when I bring up the subject, they all shut up, get scared, don't try to maintain a dialogue, I feel that most (not all) are afraid of associating themselves with a disability because they simply look at me while I'm talking, I don't even know if they're really listening to me and, with that, I shut up again.
I so wanted to be able to talk about my experience with anyone and not just other women with disabilities, I so wanted to talk about my body without scaring anyone, I so wanted them to see my existence as the existence of a woman, I so wanted them to understand that my body , and other women's bodies, it's not sick, it's not flawed, it's just another diverse body.
It's hard, but having this opportunity to talk to you has made me stronger. What has helped me is also the patience and affection with myself. With patience, I manage not to charge myself so much and understand that everyone has their own time.
With affection I always try to convert my criticism into admiration, for example: instead of rejecting my crooked body , I tell myself that it is like that because it molded itself according to my demands, it adapted so that I could continue doing my activities. everyday.
If I think it's bad to have thin legs , then I look at my Frida tattoo and remember that she didn't like her legs either, so I don't feel so alone. If I look at my atrophied hands , I remind myself of the countless texts I have written that have brought me a certain comfort and companionship, including the one you are reading.
I think this is the secret: understanding the whole process of discrimination, but, above all, cultivating affection! For this, we need to join all our forces to build a culture of patience, affection and love for ourselves and for other people who are certainly going through something similar.
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Carolini Constantino is a social worker, researcher, feminist and woman with a disability. She is project coordinator at the Helen Keller Feminist Collective for Women with Disabilities .
Paloma Santos is an illustrator, wheelchair user and feminist. "In my work as an illustrator I try to represent female diversity".
3 comments
Carol, obrigada por esse texto tão importante e potente. Ler o que tem produzido sobre o assunto a partir da sua identificação com a temática me abre para novas perspectivas e para uma nova forma de existir no mundo. Que suas palavras ecoem, elas são essenciais!
Carol, que lindo as suas reflexões! E tens razão, qdo fala sobre o amor, perdão, paciência e a caridade para conosco. Que bom que tem essa compreensão. Primeiro amar a nós mesmo, sem cobranças e exigências pq não importa se vc tem um corpo perfeito ou não o que realmente importa é o que fazemos nessa existência. Pois a nossa casa comum é uma escola e estamos aqui para aprender, crescer e caminhar uns com os outros. Os seres humanos são cruéis, e pq a humanidade é cruel? Pq ainda não entenderam que o caminho é o amor, paciência e caridade. Qdo a humanidade entender isso não haverá mais diferenças e discriminações. Sinto e reconheço os questionamentos pq tbém venho de dias duas e duas dias de luta e conquistas por ser mulher, negra e deficiente. Briguei mto por não ter esse entendimento, mas qdo entendi que o ódio, a raiva, preconceito não eram meus. Qdo entendi deixei de sofrer por falta de compreensão e entendimento do ser humano. Amei suas reflexões!
Abracos querida!😚😚😚😚