Who has never had to help a friend in a time of crisis? I have already, several times and in many of them I had to appeal to my disability. Not in a bad way, as people tend to do, like "there are people who are worse off than you" - in fact, I find this type of statement horrible and in very bad taste -, but I often use my limitations to try to show the same situation from another perspective, a vision that sometimes a person without a disability has great difficulties to see.
I think that a day of sadness is normal and happens to every human being, regardless of physical, financial, emotional condition. It's okay to be sad that day because you think the outfit didn't suit you, or because of a set of mismatches, but that can't be the rule. There are thousands and thousands of things that matter more than these passing events.
I'll try to exemplify in a situation: a friend opened up to me, saying she was in a romantic impasse and felt bad. Well, we did an exercise that I love and recommend, which is to look closely in the mirror and say what you see, what you like and what you don't like. It wasn't five seconds before she started crying. This is a very recurring behavior with people who don't feel full. The list of dislikes was long, weight, hair, appearance, shyness and so on. The list of compliments started with “nothing”. However, then, very slowly and with a little help, it gradually increased, until it surpassed the unpleasantness.
When we started to address some of the alleged defects, we saw that they were subject to change through some effort and dedication from her with herself. Even so, it was hard for her to understand.
So I asked her to “evaluate” me. The compliments were due to my posture, my ideals, my positioning and finally the physical attributes. Then, I asked her to mention my “defects”, or things that might not please the eye, but, to talk about me, the difficulty arose. I started quoting myself that I had a few extra hairs, a few extra kilos, scars, cellulite, stretch marks, things understood as “non-standard”. She agreed, with a lot of embarrassment. At that moment, I asked if this somehow changed everything she had said positively about me and the “no” was categorical. It was obvious that it did not interfere.
I showed that at no time did she remember to mention my disability, or any condition related to it. I said that seeing the essence and character is more important than any physical attribute, that we are more than empty packages that need to be standardized and stereotyped to please other people's eyes, without even finding our own layout beautiful .
With this example I can show what I often see: how many women manage to help each other to see that they are beautiful and full while having tremendous difficulty accepting their own limitations or differences. Their singularities are seen as burdens, their particularities are seen as strange and their beauties are not reflected when they look at each other.
In this regard, a symbology that I really like to use and that I recommend to everyone is to first look closely in the mirror. In this position you will see open pores, small expression marks, all the so-called “imperfections”, and maybe you will feel bad. But go farther away, until you can see the whole body, and you will see that it all disappears. The focus is no longer on the little things and you see yourself as a whole, part of the landscape. Thus, you will recognize yourself.
The idea of this is to show that we are part of the universe, that physical things change, we age, wrinkles appear, sagging affects everyone, and it's okay! This is part of it, both for your friend and for you!
The priority is being, seeing the strong woman who faces rain and sun, who goes to work with her head held high, hears a million “no”s and continues to clash head-on with a system and a society still in the clutches of patriarchy. This woman must be praised who teaches children that the world has to be inclusive and with equal rights, the woman who opens her mouth and faces injustice, who lives every day trying to move in a society that is not prepared for disability her, or her clothes, or her posture, and that, even without knowing it, inspires other women to keep fighting.
That woman who looks at you in the mirror is a source of pride.
Do what you'd want someone else to do for them: encourage them when they're unsure if they'll make it, be positive, and tell them they'll figure it out. Carefully scold her to improve her habits, eat better and help by pointing out new ways of acting. Praise her fullness, her positive points, her incredible ability and tell her every day that it's okay to be different, that there's no need to demand so much, because she's doing her best and that you're fully aware of that. Talk to that woman looking back at you from the mirror and you will discover that, in many ways, she is a complete unknown, full of traumas to be resolved, but she is the only one who can teach you to be the best version of yourself. .
------------------------
Amanda Lyra - Singer, songwriter, producer and presenter, wheelchair user and founder of Solyra Project . Follow her on FACEBOOK It is INSTAGRAM .
Paloma Santos is an illustrator, wheelchair user and feminist. "In my work as an illustrator I try to represent female diversity". Follow her on INSTAGRAM and like the page on FACEBOOK .
1 comment
Simplesmente obrigada Amanda!!!