The first time I took my son to play in a public playground, I had to help him with toys that other children his age already play without adult support. In this experience, I could observe that the other mothers present there looked at me with an air of disapproval , as if I were the overprotective mother who does not let her child play. And even if I was. Shouldn't everyone take care of their child the way they think is right? Where is that sisterhood they talk about so much... But no one approached, no one started a conversation, no one said to the son “go there, call the little friend to play!”. And it was on that day that I understood why my friends stay at home with their children with disabilities, because there comes a time when that look gets discouraged. Fortunately Bento has a mother who gains strength from those looks and insists on taking the places. As the old saying goes: let the troubled move away. We were in the middle of dozens of people and, at the same time, alone.
I thought that mothers understood each other, because being a mother is not easy, but I realize - every day - that the atypical mother is even more alone.
For me, the typical mother should also play with her son, help, get paint all over (I'm always dirty lol), sit on the floor, dance like no one is watching. It is very rewarding to follow the development closely. Knowing every fold, every look, every sigh. Knowing the day, hour, minute and second that your child did something for the first time, celebrating and getting excited about each achievement. I am very grateful to have this opportunity and to want to be there playing.
On another occasion, we went to a game library. We were the only ones, until some children arrived. When Bento approached them, they didn't want to play with him, since due to his hypotonia and motor issues typical of T21, he plays differently or not in a conventional way. Children may not understand... but the mother was there. What is her role? Direct, talk and educate children for the different. It didn't happen, it wasn't done, and in most homes, we know, it still isn't talked about. And it's past time for these issues to be addressed.
Often, withdrawal occurs because of not knowing how to act.
It's not bad to ask, it's not wrong not to know how to deal. It is wrong to ignore the other, to pretend he is not there. And this is painful for the mother who is yearning to see her child, who is just a child, trying to be a child. Is the other child guilty? No. At school, all the kids treat Bento like the kid he is. It is the adults who should learn from them.
Playing differently is not wrong. Playing with help is not wrong. There is no right way to play, because the important thing is to have fun. It would be good to take advantage of the “collection” of our childhood and reproduce with the children so many good games that we experience and so much that we learn through playing.
What does playing mean to you?
See fun in everything and let's PLAY!
Camila Emerick , Bento's mother. Atypical solo mother. Black! She has been a teacher in the municipal network of Rio de Janeiro for 25 years and works with Inclusive Education. It is part of the Documentary Photography Project InvisibiliDOWN - Essays on Racism and Down Syndrome
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