"I'd rather die than get fat." This sentence, read like this, can sound strange. But it is not. She is part of your routine and mine. And I can prove it: I heard it at least 12,728 times, which is the number of days I live on this planet.
Of course, this is a superficial account, after all, only during the 36 days that I have been in quarantine due to the new coronavirus (Covid-19), this expression has surrounded me countless times a day and in different ways.
Come and see:
“A lot of people wondering how we're going to get out the other side of the tunnel. If more cordial, kind, kind, even more humanized and empathetic. I have only one certainty: if I survive, I'll come out fat, plump like a sow”.
Does it look familiar? Have you ever 'bumped' something like this out there? Maybe you've even said something like that, haven't you?
Yup. We know it's not bad. That it was not your intention to offend anyone. You are only concerned about your own health. Can't even do that anymore? Oh, that's it! Now being afraid of getting fat is being fatphobic?
You don't want to be a piglet, but does that mean being prejudiced? What dehumanizing what. You are not dehumanizing anyone. She's just afraid of getting bored during quarantine, eating too much and ending up like that person she knows who keeps posting photos on social media without fear.
You'd rather die than have a belly like that. And truth. What? Are people so scared? But how to live being a pig? It does not give. It's better to be attacked during the pandemic than to go out on the street with those wrinkles that are already showing and you're not able to control yourself in front of the pan of brigadeiro.
It will be the end. THE END. The end of the world if this pandemic ends right in the summer and you can't stop eating by then. What if you gain even more weight? Will they judge you? But also, the gym is closed. How do they want you to stay? This quarantine is over too. It's already had to be closed, you can't even go to the building's gym, to see that crossfit crush, to unwind by going up some stairs. And you can't even eat?
Sometimes you want to throw it all away and go for a run. Going out without a mask, because in addition to looking horrible with that on your face, you still can't breathe properly. Is it a problem if you go out for a run? You're young, thin, (ah, okay, come on, not so much, now that you've gained 1,875 kg, you're chubby, right) you don't have health problems and no virus will affect you.
You yourself heard someone say on TV that it's just a little flu. You can survive the flu, but you'll never forgive yourself if those pants you haven't even worn yet don't fit perfectly. It's definitely better to die than having to wear leggings and a T-shirt.
Analyzing the situation well, it's true. You'd rather die than be treated like your acquaintance. You've never seen her go out accompanied by a ballad, but also, you could. That size. Hahahaha. If you were a man, you would be disgusted. She doesn't know, by the way, how someone had the courage to kiss her already. Perhaps she will die now, during the pandemic. And it will be a release. It must be awful to be in her shoes. In addition to being flaccid, nobody looks at it, nobody wants it, nobody wants it. You even comment 'beautiful' when she posts a photo on instagram, but you really think wow. How does she take it? you wouldn't last a day. So, you've decided, you're going to put on some fitness clothes and go for a run. Will be nice.
Have you ever thought if you gain so much weight and, by bad luck, get the disease? There shouldn't even be a stretcher in the hospital for fat people.
Not to mention that they steal the place of skinny people, who deserve to be saved more. The fat ones are no longer good for anything. If they die, at least they leave more space in the world.
That's why you're so worried. But it's not prejudice. You have nothing against it. But you think it's the height of absurdity that you try so hard to be thin and they're left there, eating, pretending to be happy and wanting to have the same rights. It doesn't work there, right?
And that's why, not to be like them, you're going to strive. No more quarantine. You don't know anyone who has died from the disease, you've heard that it was created in a laboratory and that it only affects the elderly and people in the risk group. You are neither one thing nor the other, but if you continue to be bored at home, without moving your body, you will end up obese and then the risk increases. And that. The secret to not dying is to exercise. So, even if sadness hits, you will be able to eat your chocolate without guilt, after all, you will have run and put in enough effort for it.
You hope to come out of this better. More healed. Most desired. And you will. But if it's to get fat, it's better not to go out. You didn't want to admit it, but in the face of this reflection, it's necessary, you'd rather die than be fat.
---- x ---- x ----
Does this character look real to you? Reminds you of some friends? Does it make you feel bad about yourself? Does it make you afraid to be like her? or getting fat?
It's a fact that gordophobia doesn't give a truce even during quarantine; It arrives as several memes that circulate on social networks and WhatsApp without any shame about how offensive this can be to fat people who receive them, especially in groups, where silence is required in the face of laughter about bodies similar to yours being treated as aberrations and, always followed by the phrase: better to die.
And, what to expect from people who underestimate the mortality of a pandemic virus and proclaim that they would rather lose their lives than gain a few pounds if they become the same as what most haunts them: a fat body like yours.
The same ready-made jokes - and now illustrated with images - about getting fat at Christmas and New Year's dinners have been repeated for almost 40 days throughout Brazil, in an attempt to blame fat people for existing.
The dehumanization is immense. And the awareness that people would rather die than have a body like yours is terrifying.
Facing a pandemic is already too exhausting to worry about memes and jokes, but ignoring them is almost impossible. They arrive at our homes breaking through social isolation blocks. And it hurts to receive each one of them.
Not just because I'm fat, but because I know that treating eating disorders as a joke is too cruel, especially when dealing with an illness that is invisible.
So, if you are a person who sends these memes and laughs at each one of them, it is worth thinking that anorexia nervosa is one of the most serious pathologies among eating disorders and that it has the highest mortality rate among all mental illnesses, as informed by studies in the areas of psychiatry and nutrition.
Therefore, feeding these disturbances and promoting laughter through the body image of others is not only cruel, but also inhumane. And we agree that everyone is already very sad, afraid and desperate with everything that is happening to have to worry about the kilos more or less. If we can give ourselves comfort, in any way, it will be valid.
( • )
Jessica Balbino is the type of electric woman, who mixes journalism, cultural production and literature with pepper, caffeine, phosphorus and gasoline.
Illustration by French artist Cécile Dormeau.
Follow Cecile .
( • )
chest.me
@putapeita
/bitch
1 comment
Pretty interesting post!