"WHEN I LOSE WEIGHT, I WILL BE HAPPY" by Jéssica Balbino

“When I lose weight I will (...)”. Complete the sentence with 'going to the beach in a bikini', 'going on a date', 'leaving the house', 'changing jobs' and 'be happy'.

The construction of the social imaginary, with its bombardment of advertisements, algorithms with diets ~ and crazy fasts promoted and endorsed by skinny bloggers on their channels with millions of followers, makes us believe that it is only possible to be happy if there is a body within aesthetic standards current, that is, really thin.

What is the weight of happiness?

Brazil is the second country in the Americas with the highest number of depressed people, equivalent to 5.8% of the population, second only to the United States, with 5.9% of the total population, according to data from the World Health Organization . (WHO) .

That said, the WHO also points out that stigma related to fat bodies has consequences on the psyche , including worsening issues such as depression, anxiety and reduced self-esteem.

The WHO also highlights that the stigma regarding fat bodies has significant psychological consequences, including increased depression, anxiety and decreased self-esteem.

At the other end, Brazil is the second country in the world - second only to the United States (USA) when it comes to bariatric surgery, according to the Brazilian Society of Bariatric and Metabolic Surgery.

Popularly known as 'stomach reduction', bariatric surgery is indicated for patients with weight-related comorbidities, but it is performed indiscriminately on people who gain weight in order to reach the 'ideal weight' to undergo the operation and achieve the long-awaited thin body.

However, patients who underwent surgery are among the increased rates of suicide attempts and self-harm, according to the article “Risk of Suicide and Self-harm Is Increased After Bariatric Surgery—a Systematic Review and Meta-analysis” published by different US researchers.

According to the study, bariatric surgery was also associated with increased self-harm, more frequent use of psychiatric services and the presence of psychiatric disorders. In this study, research shows that 50% of patients who underwent bariatric surgery have more than three psychiatric diagnoses.

The same survey reveals that 81% of patients undergoing surgery will have some psychiatric condition throughout their lives, and that the prevalence of some psychiatric disorders is up to three times higher in larger fat people compared to the general population.

To be happy or to please the other?

Still, it's almost offensive: nonsense, lo and behold, to believe that it's possible to have a fat body and be happy. At first, they wouldn't believe it. How can a dissident body find happiness? And, more serious, if he finds it, what will become of those who 'did so much effort' to find the infamous happiness, reserved and destined for those who obey the rules, who 'make an effort'.

Being happy here is synonymous with pleasing others. And this other can be read as the mother, the father, the boyfriend, the wife, the brothers, the friends, the teacher, the dance instructor, the baker, the supermarket attendant, the shoemaker. The society. It has more to do with meeting someone else's expectations about one's own body than producing and achieving self-realization technologies and tools.

And here's the question : what have you always wanted to do but never had the 'courage' for fear of being judged because of your body (especially if you're fat) ?

How much longer are we going to keep putting off life's most basic experiences for fear of disappointing an “other” who is always in a position to judge our bodies?

How many more times are we going to mutilate our bodies to find happiness, or the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and end up even more fragile, sick and further away from the proposed ideal - and also from a healthy body that we are charged for.

How many times are we going to stop sunbathing in a bikini, take a dip in the sea, dance in the center of the dance floor at a ballad, eat our favorite dish at our favorite restaurant, laugh out loud when we feel like it?

I know that the world seems to belong to thin people, after all, they are the ones who inhabit the covers of magazines, video clips, advertisements, catalogues, the protagonists of soap operas, movies and series. Fat people, when they appear, either serve as a ladder for thin or sad bodies.

So, is it hard to imagine yourself happy in your own body and you spend your days counting calories and waiting for the slim body you've dreamed of so you can laugh without fear, wear the clothes you want, travel, shake your tail or even live?

The meritocratic narrative of the world has convinced us that we have to make an effort to deserve happiness and that effort involves having an obedient, thin body that fits clothes, spaces and expectations, no matter what the cost.

In this insane and unbridled quest to win the crumbs of affection and approval from others, we succumb to irresponsible diets, fasting while people die of hunger around the world, depression, tears and an increasingly unreachable horizon: and a body that is less and less ours, each less and less nourished, in search of this merit.

Who convinced you that you have to be obedient to be happy?

Wake up early, work out, eat right, read self-help, post on social media, record creative videos within 15 seconds, be smaller, reduce, fit, have proper posture, obey, be cheerful, but not too much, laugh in moderation , don't laugh, nobody appreciates scandalous people,

How can a disobedient body enjoy and be happy?

Fact is. Our body is what we have. And it is with him, so and only, that we will experience what is possible in this life. Pains, loves, pleasures, enjoyment, emotions, adrenaline, flavors and life, as it should be lived. Therefore, disobeying, although it seems contradictory, can be the best way to be happy. He comes!

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Jéssica Balbino is a fat woman, columnist for Puta Peita, journalist, master in communication and believes that she can transform the world through narratives. She is the creator and editor of Margens , a project that disseminates content about peripheral women in writing. Curator of literary events across the country. Author of the books "Hip-Hop - A Cultura Marginal", "Traficando Conhecimento" and "Gasoline & phosphorus - my body in flames" (in press). Psychoanalyst in training.

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Photo by Thito Fonseca.

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