Being a Woman, Being a Mother and Having Pleasure

by Larissa Tomass

Women in general are seen as immaculate, do not enjoy and are repressed to touch their own bodies, vaginas, breasts and even more, to develop their own sexuality.

In March of that year, I was invited by Cida Airam – an arretada woman and my neighbor – to participate in a beautiful event that she produces in Curitiba, “Prazeres Femininos”. It is a space aimed mainly at women and issues related to the female universe in general. This one in particular was dedicated to Mother's Day, so I went to talk about this very important subject: being a mother and having pleasure.

Being a mother in my opinion is an amazing experience! It's a great opportunity to deconstruct patterns, relearn, and reinvent yourself as a person, as a woman. However, each woman is different and lives this experience as best she can and, above all, in the best possible way.

One thing I always say is that I regret not having photographed my vagina before giving birth to Sol, my 5-year-old daughter. Her birth was a natural birth, that is, vaginal and without anesthesia. I would love to know what exactly changed there in the postpartum period.

Childbirth itself is also a great opportunity to heal old wounds related to sexuality. It is an extremely sexual experience. No wonder there is the so-called 'orgasmic birth', where women can experience orgasms during labor. Can you imagine the wonder? Giving birth enjoying!

Orgasms themselves are difficult. Statistically, 60% of women have never experienced an orgasm. This is an alarming number, even more considering the fact that we have this wonderful thing called the clitoris, which, in addition to giving great pleasure, provides multiple orgasms. Aesthetics and social pressure, age-old repression, difficulty communicating with the partner, are some of the reasons that prevent women from meeting their orgasmic power.

After motherhood, this subject tends to get complicated. During pregnancy, female libido is unknown. Some pregnant women feel very horny and others cannot smell the smell of nauseated partners. As the belly grows, the woman gets tired and, it can be said, the long and eternal phase that I like to call “Sexual Reinvention” begins. Because that's it! This is the big secret of success and multiple orgasms, along with masturbation, rediscovery of sexuality, release of locks and many other things.

Sex needs to be re-lived, re-experienced, re-invented!

In the baby's first year, libido is all about breastfeeding – it releases all the oxytocin that the woman needs, the hormone released to help with labor and also during sexual intercourse and, even more, with orgasm.

Tiredness and exhaustion prevent any onslaught from being well received. The baby and its needs become the priority of priorities. The woman is exhausted, her body is still strange, transformed, it is a new body that needs to be rediscovered, loved, experienced individually before being shared with someone. The last thing on your mind is getting laid!

As the baby grows, gaining autonomy, this woman who is now also a mother, will also discover these meeting spaces. Of course, we're talking about a healthy, ideal scenario here, without postpartum depression, for example, which is a serious matter that aggravates any postpartum scenario.

The woman dies in childbirth, and along with the baby another woman is born, a new woman who has become a mother. This is a crazy process because it takes at least two years to rediscover yourself again. He suffers, he is crazy, he grieves. It's natural to miss that woman we once were, but it's beautiful to find yourself again, to feel stronger, more whole, more complete. And it's possible!

It is essential that we remember how babies are made and demystify this immaculate role of mothers. Mothers are women and they fuck and enjoy, yes!
I am a woman, I am a mother and with great pleasure!

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Larissa Tomass is a feminist body psychologist. In September, she teaches the course "Latent Bodies: Meeting of Feminine Potency" in Curitiba. It will be four months of discovery, recognition and emotional maturity. Lari is also the PEITA interviewer in the "What is Fight Like a Girl" mini docs.

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Art: Stephanie Sarley