There are times when I wish I was just a mom. Having mom labels. Mother issues. But when an atypical mother says this, she hears: "You didn't accept your child".
This goes far beyond acceptance.
When you receive the diagnosis in the maternity ward, there is no time for a puerperium as it should be, there is no special leave just to adapt to the baby. It is necessary to adapt to a baby with a disability and with much more complex demands, with concerns that go beyond health, as we also need to deal with prejudice, with men who disappear (and society accepts this) in the period that women still needed more supportive... in addition to the lines and comments that always appear everywhere: “I wonder if this woman wasn't too old to be a mother?”, “Did she take any medication?”, “Didn't she drink?” “Ahhh… this one wanted to have an abortion… God must have punished her.” . Here comes the depression, the sadness.
Lives and experiences cannot be compared. But if you're just a mother and you're tired, have you ever tried to imagine why your fellow atypical mother – and often a single mother – is tired too, more than you are? She needs to be just a mother... just be a woman. Instead of thinking she hasn't accepted her son's disability, why don't you offer her a beer? Why don't you make yourself available to sleep with her son so she can get a full night's sleep? Why don't you accompany her to an appointment just to hold her hand? Why don't you call to listen, talk, talk some nonsense and relax?
Society needs to advance a lot, but it can start with you.
With your hug. With your shoulder. With your smile. With your message. I know most people's lives are a never-ending rush. But will two hours in a month, in a week, be so harmful to your routine? I am sure that with these hours you will earn much more. You will discover a new and sensational world. You will see the sparkle in this mother's eyes with her son's achievements.
I speak from experience, it's great to be part of this world. But if I had a magic wand, I'd just be a mother. I don't want to change my son, much less take away his disability , but I would like public policies, I would like health plans not to give us so many negatives, I would like men not to run away after a diagnosis, I would like women not to be so overloaded.
Yes, I'm tired... but I accept my son the way he is!
Yes, I'm tired... but I love my son!
Yes, I'm tired, so tired... I just want to be Bento's mother!
Camila Emerick , Bento's mother. Atypical solo mother. Black! She has been a teacher in the municipal network of Rio de Janeiro for 25 years and works with Inclusive Education. It is part of the Documentary Photography Project InvisibiliDOWN - Essays on Racism and Down Syndrome
•
